Parent Resources
Information for Parents of Children Suffering a Traumatic Loss
The traumatic death of a friend can cause various reactions such as terror, fear, helplessness and physical stress reactions. The impact of these events does not simply go away when the event is over. Instead, the event can change the way we see ourselves and the world.
Some common psychological effects of a traumatic loss can include the following:
Intrusive reactions such as flash backs, reoccurring thoughts, or bad dreams can be prevalent.
Avoidance and withdrawal reactions can include efforts to avoid talking, numbness, and avoidance of social contact.
Physical arousal reactions are changes such as startling easily, being jumpy, irritable, having outbursts of anger, difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep.
Grief reactions may include feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and longing for the lost individual.
It is normal for your child to experience some or many of these reactions for 4-6 weeks after a traumatic loss. If you feel that any of the reactions are extreme or intense, feel free to call your child’s counselor for advice.
Allow and encourage your child to talk about the lost friend or loved one. Try to help your child remember the good things about the friend. Tell them positive things and stories that you remember. Be open and tolerant of your child’s protest and anger over the unfairness of the loss.
Encourage your child to get a lot of rest, mild exercise, engage in activities that they enjoy, and spend time with the family. Allow them to eat comfort foods that they enjoy, but avoid over indulging in caffeine or other stimulants.
Recovery comes in stages and over weeks, months, and years. It will be different for each child. Don’t be discouraged if your child has temporary set backs.
Remember, if you have concerns about your child’s reactions to the loss, please call his/her school counselor for advice about how to help the child move beyond the loss.Helpful Strategies for Trauma Victims/Survivors
It is very important to your recovery to get enough rest, especially the first 4 - 6
weeks following the trauma.
If you cannot sleep at night, take "cat" naps of 15 minutes - 1/2 hour during the day.
If waking up during the night because of traumatic dreams, know they will pass in time. Do what comforts you. Read a good book until you become sleepy again. Snack, watch television, listen to music, write, do some housework. Remember, this will be a temporary change.
Exercise of some kind is important to help relieve you of the tension that traumatic experiences create. Even if you have not been exercising, go for a short walk. Walk the dog an extra time. Do housework or add a few minutes to your usual routine.
Avoid too much caffeine, alcohol, or other stimulants. Do not self medicate.
NOTE: If you are having difficulties with relaxing or sleeping following the trauma, then call
for a temporary prescription to help you sleep but if this persists beyond 4-6 weeks consult with
a trauma specialist immediately.
Pull back on making a commitment to additional responsibilities for the first four weeks. The tendency for some is take additional responsibilities thinking it will help them forget. In reality, it frequently drains them of energy, delays the healing process and intensifies future reactions when they finally emerge.
Be protective and nurturing of yourself. It's okay to want to be by yourself, or just stay around home with the family. Eat whatever your comfort foods are, as frequently as you need. Do those things which relax you, give you some pleasure.
Expect during the 4 - 6 weeks following the event that new memories of and reactions to your experience are likely to emerge. This does not mean things are getting worse. Generally these newer memories and reactions mean you are, in fact, feeling more protected, safer, and rested enough to now deal with them.
Understand that your trauma reactions need to be expressed and experienced by you in order for you to heal. Kids, for example, go to the same horror movie, like "Jason", four, five, six times, so they can master their fear, the terror they experience when seeing the movie for the first time.
Traumatic dreams, intrusive thoughts, images and other trauma specific reactions repeat themselves in much the same way. In most cases they will become less upsetting and frightening to you and after 4 - 6 weeks occur less and less frequently.
If any trauma reaction continues beyond six weeks from when the trauma occurred,
you really do need to talk with a trauma consultant. If you do not, such reactions can become chronic as well as create additional problems for you.
We all have different reactions. What scares you may not scare someone else. If you are experiencing reactions after the six week period, it does not mean something is terribly wrong with you. It means your past experiences are such that they just don't know how to respond to what happened. Generally talking to a trauma specialist a few times will resolve the problem.
A traumatic experience can, however, terrorize the strongest and healthiest. It can induce such terror that our lives become disorganized or disoriented. We become someone strange or act in ways we have never acted before. This can panic us.
Trauma is not an experience we want to keep to ourselves. It is in fact an experience we want to resolve as quickly as possible. Do not hesitate to consult with a trauma specialist when your reactions are overwhelming or interfere with normal functioning. The specialist can help you sort out which reactions are normal and can help you prepare for possible future reactions.
Finally, traumatic experiences tend to change the way we look at life, our behaviors, activities, relationships and our future. Expect in the weeks to come to see the world differently, your friends, loved ones, work relationships. In time, you will redefine what you want for yourself.
The first 4 - 6 weeks therefore is not a time to be making any major decisions. Put what you can on hold. During recovery from a trauma everything is a bit distorted. You want to wait whenever possible to deal with major decisions until after you have had time (4 - 6 weeks) to reorder your life and feel stable once again.
If you need further help, ask your school counselor to provide you with a referral for more assistance.
